you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
