why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
