i don't plan on having that self control this summer
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
