I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
