i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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