i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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