u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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