my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
