Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
