Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize