How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
what day is it and did you see me today?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
