it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize