i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
