She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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