What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
