right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
birth control should be required to get into college
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
