well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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