i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
