I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize