Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
