Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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