What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You're like the curious george of whores
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize