I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
