You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
