I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
