It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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