my text book just quoted the cookie monster
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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