okay pat passed out under dana's car
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize