Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
