You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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