It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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