I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize