So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
