Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize