Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
FUCK WHALES
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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