I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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