My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
