I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i barfeds in our rink
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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