in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
