I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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