I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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