good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
