I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize