i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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