they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
