you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
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