she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
