bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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