I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
