I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
