Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
