he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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