I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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