I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
