it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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