I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize