I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
