Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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