Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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