I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Never underestimate the power of titties
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
