My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
