Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
