I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
