I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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