It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
