She's JV to your varsity
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
