i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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