Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
