We're facebook friends in real life
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
