a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
