Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize