Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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