god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
