at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
