just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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