Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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