So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Randomize
