im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You've changed since you got that strap on
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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