I cockslap morals
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
