where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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