Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I have post one night stand depression
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
