so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
