Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I skipped work to stalk him.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
