Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
