I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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