I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
