nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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