That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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